I have had the privilege of co-teaching a credit recovery class during the last three years with one of the strongest, smartest, and most compassionate women I have ever met in my life

She taught me about a phenomenon that I hadn’t given that much thought.  Then I realized I’m a perpetrator. I am recovering “right fighter.”

You may have heard the cliche before.  “Don’t worry about WHO is right, worry about WHAT is right…”  I had before, too… but when I read it I would often think “EXACTLY!!  And what *I* believe is RIGHT… so EVERYONE should agree with me!!!!”

What I have learned is that is absolute and complete hogwash.

“Right fighting” basically goes like this: You have a VERY firmly held belief.  You are a gay rights advocate.  You are a pro life advocate.  You are a Mormon.  You are a Libertarian.  You are a Crossfitter, a vegan, a paleodieter, a cyclist… and EVERYTHING you believe is correct.  Your life has never been better and EVERYONE should agree with you!

You have seen the LIGHT!!!  Humans should not have milk!!!

So you take your crusade to Instagram and Twitter and Facebook…

Lo and behold!!!  Look!!!!  There are people like you out there EVERYWHERE!   They all agree with you!!!  Of COURSE the human body was never meant to take in dairy!   It’s CLEAR… All the research says so!   Look at how RIGHT you are!   Look at how everyone else is as RIGHT as I am!!!!

Then… some insidious milk drinker infiltrates your inner circle.  The milk drinker tells you that you are wrong.  Oh no!!!  This person who eats cheese needs to be told the truth!!  We need to make sure that this lactose lover learns the error of his ways.  Then all of the other milk drinkers circle their wagons.

Well, turns out the milk drinker has friends, too… and they have seen your comments, and they join in the battle.  They are talking about milk and how you NEED it… How you need vitamin D and calcium.

You and your spinach eating buddies begin to get ANGRY.  You KNOW the milk drinkers are WRONG!   How DARE these people be so intolerant!!  They NEED to understand how wrong they are.  Your feelings are hurt by the jabs these people are throwing at you.

So… You do the only sensible thing!   You attack their grammar!  Yes, yes… that’s how you prove them wrong!   You instantly resort to telling them that they need to learn the difference between homonyms before they enter in your erudite milk argument.  Somewhere along the way they tell you that your mother wears combat boots… and the argument is over.  You collapse into a heap of sobs thinking how lost the poor soul is for not understanding the importance of the dairy argument and you return to your lactose liaison for comfort as they all pat you on the back telling you how very RIGHT you are.

Yup… it really is that silly.

Why does it matter so much to us if people AGREE with us?  Just because we have a difference of opinion does not mean that we have to walk around convincing EVERYONE to see things our way.  Make no mistake…  religion, politics, abortion, education, gender identification…  they are ALL opinions.  ALL of them!

It is often difficult to differentiate someone having a disagreement from someone being intolerant.  Far too many people think that a difference of opinion means that it’s time to put the gloves on and that you MUST convince someone to see things your way.

I really used to be like that.  I wouldn’t rest until I could at least make someone say, “Yes, I see your side…” or they would risk the wrath of my insulting their grammar skills.

But then, I started to think, “Wait… Why am I doing this?  What is my point?  What is my endgame?  Do I really expect the ENTIRE world to agree with everything I think?”  (Granted, everything I think is right and it would be a lovely world if everyone else would just realize that. ;-p)

So, my coworker helped me see the truth.  There is really no point in “right fighting.”  Yes, my convictions are still as strong as they ever were.  Yes, I will still take to Facebook to show you how I feel.  Yes, I will still stand in front of my classroom and pontificate and wax philosophical about what I believe to be true.

But as for you???

Drink the milk or don’t.  I’ll always be interested to hear about what you decided.