A few weeks ago I was talking to my oldest nephew at dinner, and his story got more and more outrageous.  Finally, I looked at him and said, “Really?”  I guess he could read the incredulity in my gaze.  He responded,  “Fine!   So maybe I was telling something of a fish tale…”  (which cracked me up in and of itself.  I mean, he’s 6 1/2… I love it when kids say things like that…)

But it got me thinking about little white lies… big ol’ fibs… when they start… why they start…  and if they ever stop?

I was a HUGE liar in my early teens through my early 20s.  I made up stories just for the sake of having something to say, I think.  I never really realized that everyone KNEW I was lying until a very good friend called me out on it.  I’m still very grateful to her… ’cause how SILLY!   I think it stemmed from unhappiness about myself… or thoughts that  I had a boring life, or something like that.  Not sure… but I lied A LOT.

I do find it a little upsetting that some of my family still refers to stories that are COMPLETELY true as “Tamidotes”  (the colloquialism they gave to the lie-filled stories of my youth).  I am now about as honest as any human being can be.  ALL the time.  But… I understand the “little girl who cried truth,” and the fact that those who knew me in the Tamidote days may have trouble with my current veracity… but I have been a recovering liar since about 2000.

My nephew… and the impending return to school make me think of my first WHOPPER.

My family had just moved to a new house in Algonquin, Illinois.  I was in third grade during the second half of the year and had just turned eight.  (I started Kindergarten at 4.  That was the norm in Illinois.  As long as your birthday was in the first semester, you started before you were 5.  However, I taught myself to read when I was 3 1/2, so I was reading at a 1st grade level before I started Kindergarten.  They didn’t have advanced classes, so they just moved me to higher grade level rooms during reading times…  that’s not just humble bragging… I think it led to some of my “issues” which are germane to this story.)

So… as a third grader I was PAINFULLY shy.  I was very introverted, and moving to a new school in the middle of the year was super hard.

When my class was doing social studies time, I noticed that they were doing some kind of project on Illinois.  They were in the middle of the project when I arrived, but the last thing I wanted to do was call attention to myself, so I never asked what they were doing.  Every day , for weeks, when the kids would start working on the project, I would PRETEND to be working.l  I would dutifully look in encyclopedias.  I would quietly cut things out and paste them on paper, but I had NO idea what sort of project I was supposed to be accomplishing.

Also, at Kenneth E. Neubert Elementary no one ever showed me where there was a bathroom.  Don’t feel TOO sorry for me. I was EIGHT.  I was old enough to ask where the bathroom was, but I never did. In my old school we all took restroom breaks together.  That was not the case at Neubert.  I would hold it as long as I could, but I never asked ANYONE where the bathroom was. And, because I didn’t know, I wet my pants on the walk home from school EVERY SINGLE DAY.  My mom wanted to check and see if I had some kind of bladder/kidney problem.  I told her that it was just because it was a long walk…  I KNEW she would be mad at me for not asking.  I knew that I was supposed to ask questions when I needed help (still not one of my best things…  ) but that was not the BIG lie… it was just a small part of it.

The big lie came when the project was due.  I insisted over and over again that I HAD turned it in…knowing all along that I didn’t even know what “it” was that I was supposed to turn in!  So, of course, under questioning, I caved.

I did the whole project… learned about the Illinois state flag and the cardinal and Walt Whitman and Carl Sandburg…

…and so it leaves me thinking about TWO things.

First, lying in and of itself…  maybe the first lies start from self preservation?  Maybe ALL lies are some sort of self preservation?  (and that’s why parents shouldn’t get TOO fired up when teachers say that their kids have prevaricated….  it’s not a reflection on parents… people lie… period…)

But it also got me thinking about schools.

People talk about how AWFUL schools are today, but can you imagine that happening?  I am taking blame for this.  I KNOW I was eight.  I should have advocated.  I was old enough to understand, but WOW, I was shy.  (Got over that!!!).  I find it hard to picture a brand new student going in to a school today and being THAT overlooked…

That’s when I think things like NCLB started in a GOOD place…  that schools make sure that students don’t get lost and fall through the cracks…  but too much of a good thing leads to harm…

…maybe like too much self preservation leads to dishonesty…