In 2000 the opening scene of the MTV movie awards was a Sex and The City/ The Matrix parody…  pretty darn funny…  but the more I think about it, the more I think Carrie was right:

Maybe I should live in the matrix.

Admittedly, I’m not a huge sci fi fan, and I think I’ve only seen the Matrix in bits and pieces, but I remember Morpheus (or whatever his name is) at the beginning saying that the FIRST Matrix was devoid of strife/hardship… and it didn’t work… that the robots or computers or whoever they were needed to manufacture those things so that life felt more “real.”

I think I’d be okay living in the first matrix… the one without the strife and hardships.  I mean if robots and computers are sucking off my perfectly happy body and I know nothing about it, is it really a problem?

Part of my responsibility as an AP teacher is to teach my kids to become “informed global citizens.”  Sometimes–scratch that–often, I find myself thinking, “No, I don’t wanna.”

Last week a student said, “Don’t you think it’s weird that you just started forcing us to pay attention to the news and all of the sudden all of these bad things are happening?”

Another student responded to her, “They’ve always been happening; you just didn’t know.”

And I saw her face fall…  and my heart broke a little bit.

The problem is not being informed.

The problem is being informed and having no real ability to fix it.

It’s whack-a-mole.

It’s sticking your finger in the dam while another leak springs someplace else.

It’s turning your Facebook profile into a French flag while a police officer is killed in Colorado Springs.

I want to solve the mental illness crisis in the United States.  I want to fix every social media inaccuracy that fuels hatred.  I want to save all the unwanted babies.  I want to stop terrorism.  I want to help Syrian refugees.  I want to stop the AIDS crisis in Africa.  I want to rehabilitate prisoners.  I want to rescue animals.  I want to eliminate teen suicide.  I want to fix the education system.  I want a representative government. I want all wars to end.  I want people to use welfare responsibly.  I want everyone to feel safe.

But I can’t DO anything.

I try to tell myself to be the change I wish to see in the world  (which, incidentally, is not what Gandhi told me to do.) but then a police officer dies just trying to protect other people, who may or may not be going through the most gut wrenching decision they’ve ever made in their lives,  who are being killed by a man who obviously had some kind of mental issues, a man who still has a gun, and I don’t even want to get out of bed.

I try to stay informed not only for me but also so that I can debate and inform others, but it’s almost impossible to get ALL of the information, and , even when you have it, others don’t want to hear.

And, honestly, when someone tries to give it to me, there’s a lot I don’t want to hear.

I can do my little bits.  I can donate my time, my money, my resources…  but it so often feels like it doesn’t do any good.

I guess that’s why religion works for some… the idea that the reward isn’t here, but it’s in the after life… I guess that’s why college students want a “safe place” to be because the world is horrible and ugly and no matter how much they do to fix it, there will always be something else.

I don’t have desire for any sort of “happiness” for me.  I’m basically happy.  I just want to see that something MATTERS.

But really?  Really I think I’d rather bury my head in the sand.

Today, I want to live in the first matrix where robots and computers are sucking all of my life force, and I think everything is fine.