So I’ve been writing this one in my head for years… on and off… and I’ve shared parts of it.  It’s always been there. Today, I needed to say it.

This is one that if you bring it up to me in person, I’ll slough it off.  It’s so personal that I don’t know that I can discuss it face to face–ever… but every word of it is true.

I’m writing it not REALLY to help others be more understanding, although some of you will.  I’m not writing it as an excuse, although it somewhat is.  Instead, I’m writing it because I KNOW I’m not alone, and I think that others may feel comfort when they know that, too.

I’ll start with we all have our quirks.  People talk about their hidden ailments all the time.  The fatigue, anxiety, depression…  the fibromyalgia, chronic pain,  crohn’s…  all things that people walk around masking every single day.

I can’t mask mine… at all… it’s there for everyone to judge whenever they feel like it.  It is what it is.

And this is what it means to me:

• It means being afraid to eat in public because people already find me disgusting, and they are going to judge the choices that I make when they can see me.
• It’s always asking for a table at a restaurant because I’m afraid I won’t fit in a booth.
• It’s looking at chairs ANYWHERE with anxiety because I’m not sure whether or not they will be right for my size.
• It’s still being hungry but afraid to take the last bite because I know that the plate I ordered was more than what most people would usually eat.
• It’s being worried about purchasing plane tickets because I’m not sure if I need the second seat and the incredible fear of making some other poor unsuspecting passenger uncomfortable because of what I did to my own body.
• It’s wanting to find something to wear that doesn’t draw attention to me in any way shape or form but not having that option because there is no larger size even at the largest size clothing store.
• It’s knowing that this is all my fault and hating myself for it.
• It is constantly trying to make it better and failing over and over and over again.
• It is knowing everything there is to know about nutrition and continuing to disappoint yourself and everyone who cares about you because you simply won’t do what you know it’s right.
• It’s actually LOVING to exercise but knowing that no amount of exercise is enough.
• It’s when you look to buy anything (an inflatable bed, a camping chair) that your first concern is “how much weight will this hold?”
• It’s hating to go to the doctor, not because the doctor is harsh, but because you’re just so embarrassed about what you did to yourself that the tears stream down your cheeks the entire time you’re there.
• It’s being embarrassed to have ANY health problems of any kind because you know that your diet is probably what caused all of them.
• It’s having to look at meme after meme and person after person posting videos and jokes on the Internet all about what a joke you are.
• It’s being afraid that your friends don’t want to be seen with you in public because you embarrass them.
• It’s KNOWING that people are staring at you at the pool or beach or not going even though you want to because you don’t want to be a joke.
• It’s being afraid to attend work events with your husband because you don’t look like the other wives and you don’t want to embarrass him.
• It’s hearing kind-hearted advice from close friends and perfect strangers alike about how they “believe in you” and are “proud of you” and giving you encouragement that makes you feel angry and hostile because, even when it’s not, it feels condescending.
• It’s having to listen to people give you advice about what you SHOULD do… and how they can help you…  and even when it’s because they truly care about you, wishing they’d shut up and not talk about it.
• It’s not wanting to be hugged because people can’t get their arms around you and because you know what they feel.
• It’s having your feet fall asleep every time you sit on the floor.
• It’s not being able to keep your legs together because your stomach pushes your thighs apart.
• It’s being afraid your husband is going to fall out of love with you because this is not what you looked like when you married him.
• It’s being obsessed with making sure you clean every single part of your body because the thought of smelling bad is mortifying.
• It’s trying to sit extremely still on hot days because you sweat more than anyone else.
• It’s seeing yourself in a picture, on a day you THOUGHT you looked pretty good, and seeing what everyone else actually saw.
• It’s knowing even the ACCESSORIES won’t fit… your fingers, your wrists, your neck… all too big for regular jewelry.  Your feet are too wide for the shoes… even purses need to be adjusted.
• Everything feels too small in your hands.  Champagne glasses look ridiculous.
• It’s the fear of not being able to fit into places–through turnstiles, in movie seats, in amusement park rides.
• It’s guilt EVERY. SINGLE. TIME you put even one bite of food into your mouth, unless it’s a vegetable.
• It’s being afraid to sit on furniture in public because you might break it .
• It’s the fear that your family and friends and in laws look at you with a mixture of pity and shame every time they haven’t seen you in awhile and you’re even fatter than the last time.
• It’s the feeling that you need to make jokes about yourself to make other people comfortable.
• It’s never wanting to go anywhere for the fear of being judged

…and it’s knowing that you SHOULD be able to fix it.  That it’s YOUR fault… that you can only blame yourself… and all of these things are so preventable.  You don’t have to live like this… yet you keep doing it day after day after day after day…  even though you know EXACTLY how to fix it…

…but part of you doesn’t want to give it up… this comfort of food…  the taste… the feeling…  You hate it more than anything… but you don’t want to stop…  but you know how miserable it is NOT to be able to eat the four pieces of pizza (not just SOME of the time… ALL of the time).  You really WANT the burger and the extra large fries.  Yes, every day.  And you know this is wrong and feel guilty about it.

and no matter your other talents, other qualities, you KNOW this is a big one that people notice about you…

..and no one notices it about you more than yourself.

…and THAT is what it’s like to be really, really fat.

I’ve thought about writing this one for a long time.

I don’t shy from controversy, but when I see the word “abortion” on my screen, I think “Oh no.  Not that.  I can’t write about that.  I can’t talk about that.  That’s way too personal.”

But now we have a Presidential campaign where that word has become at the forefront again. Candidates are assuring the public that, if elected,  they will overturn a Supreme Court decision more than 40 years old.

I am smart enough to know that you can’t change anyone’s mind about anything, but if you are really, truly pro life… and you really, truly care about the welfare and life of poor, precious unborn children, I want to give you something to think about.  Try not to react.  Try to think. (That goes for you Ted Cruz and Donald Trump.)

I have made it very clear to everyone that I know that I have NO desire to have children.  I understand the level of commitment it takes to be a parent.  I understand that you have to redefine the center of your universe.  I understand that having them would bring me more love and more joy than I could ever possibly imagine.  I understand that my natural instincts would take over and I would love that tiny human more than I thought my heart had enough room to love.

If I were to accidentally get pregnant despite the three forms of birth control I use (even typing that makes my stomach do a slow little flip and I’m shaking at the thought), I would immediately go to the doctor.  Wine would become a thing of the past for the next few years.  I would not eat processed foods until I was done breast feeding.  I would do absolutely everything helpful and right for that little baby– because, to me, life starts at conception.

Once my baby was born, I would make sure to teach my child manners and values and the importance of education.  I would take her to church and tell her about the role that religion plays in our society.  I would send him to tutors for PSAT practice.  I would help them figure out their most fitting band instruments.

If they were born without all ten fingers and all ten toes… or their number of chromosomes weren’t right, I would learn how to deal with that.  I would go to the support groups, and I would research the therapies, and I would do everything to make that child’s life the best life it could be.

I would do all of this even though I never wanted a child.

I would never, ever have an abortion.

I would do all of this because I am pro life for me.

I am only talking about me.

But I CANNOT and WOULD NOT expect that from any other human being… because it’s not reasonable…and it’s not logical.  And no matter how much you love the lord… no matter how much you want to tell me of the horrors of abortion…YOU CANNOT CONTROL OTHER PEOPLE.  YOU CAN’T… and because of that, if you’re a logical, thinking human being, you HAVE TO stop asking to overturn Roe v. Wade.

I know a lot of well meaning friends who say, “There are plenty of loving families out there just WAITING to adopt children.”

I’m not going to deny that at all.  What I will say is that not all of them are willing to adopt children with developmental issues, not all are willing to adopt children of other races… but even if they are… you’re missing the logic… you’re missing the point.

You cannot force poor parents to give their child up for adoption.  Yes, yes… after years of documented neglect and abuse you may be able to get permanent orders against parents, but I don’t think that’s what the pro life activists want. At least I hope they are not wanting to subject unborn children to years of unmitigated neglect and abuse.

You CANNOT force someone to take care of themselves when they are pregnant.  Let’s say a heavy drinking, smoking woman gets pregnant and wants an abortion. She is told she can’t.  How are you going to force her to take care of her unborn child?  Are you going to follow her home and be sure she doesn’t put that precious baby in danger?

What happens when this woman who never wanted her baby has the child born with fetal alcohol syndrome?  My genuine, wonderful, pro-life friends, have you SEEN the effects of this?  Not just when the baby is born… Forever… for the rest of the child’s life.

And for the baby who is born fine, healthy, and still unwanted… uncared for…

Do you truly trust the government, the world, to raise all of these neglected children?  To even FIND all of these victims of neglect?  I challenge you to go through the news for a week without finding case after case after case of wrong being done to a child.  You think ALL of them are being caught and brought to justice?  Do you think that most people who didn’t want children and then were forced to would all of the sudden become spectacular parents? You think it’s better to be born into a life of hell than to never be born at all?

The statistics on abortions vary widely based on the agenda of the group publishing the statistics.  On average, however, 65 percent of women who choose abortion are economically disadvantaged.  I am not saying that growing up poor is a guarantee to a bad childhood.  I am saying that a desperate, cash-strapped mother may not be the best person to break the cycle.

I don’t want to digress into the liberal rhetoric here that claims that conservatives are against abortion and against welfare…  and you can’t have your cake and eat it, too… but the liberals do have a point…

I understand the argument about multiple abortions. Again, according to the sources you use, about 35% of all abortions are a 2nd or 3rd (the numbers decline dramatically after that to 8%).  Some advocate mandatory temporary or permanent sterilization after multiple abortions.

I do believe in education.  I do believe in making more permanent ways of birth control more readily available for those who want to avail themselves of these methods.

I do not, however, believe you can force people to make decisions about their bodies.  You cannot pretend to know every circumstance that led people to the decisions they are making… even if they have been led to that decision for a third time.

Because when you do, you go back to the barbaric tactics before abortion was a medical procedure… when women performed abortions at home… and you endure the consequences of that.

What can we agree on?  I think we can ALL agree that we wish no one ever HAD to get an abortion. There is NO such thing as “pro abortion.”  I cringe every time I hear someone mistakenly use that phrase.

I think we can agree that it’s sad… and we don’t like it… and we wish it didn’t have to exist.

But I do believe if you let your logic win out over your emotions… if you think of what the alternatives are if it ever really became illegal,  you would realize that there are some things in life that you have to accept even though you don’t like them, and I suggest you keep being pro life for you.

Of course, first we must all agree that utopia means that we don’t have to worry about silly little things like money and resources.  I’m just throwing out there what I think would make it perfect.

Classes of no more than 16 students and no less than 12 students

In classes of this size, I have plenty of opportunity to give constructive feedback and truly get to know every single student.  I have enough students for a variety of conversations and ability levels so that we can work together to complete projects.

Classes go 9  hours Monday-Thursday

Extra curricular practices can go no longer than one hour before or one hour after school.  (Yes, they can still have a class during the school day.  I’ll get there.).  As often as possible, all extracurricular time out of school for competitions should be on Fridays.  Friday can also be used for makeups if necessary.

School is year round at nine week increments with three week breaks each nine weeks. 

During those three week breaks we offer remediation to students who were unsuccessful during the nine weeks and extension activities for those who want more learning.  You STILL don’t really understand how to solve for “x”?   Let’s give you some more time to work on that IMMEDIATELY.  Geology your thing?  It’s time for wild cave exploration and spelunking.  Are you interested in space exploration?  Time to go to NASA. Of course, parent led extensions and plain old vacations are also allowed.

The ONLY required classes are grammar/writing; math facts and skills; reading in content areas; math in the real world (this includes interest rates, chemistry, engineering); state, federal,  international government, culture and religion; and (high school only)–independent or group study.  All required subjects meet for an hour a day, every day. The duration of every elective is nine weeks. Meeting times and days of the week vary based on the elective.

EVERYTHING else is elective… and we have A LOT of electives.  Let’s say in your “reading in the content area” class you read an article about how Edison invented the light bulb, and you find it fascinating.  Next nine weeks you take a class in electrical engineering. Your culture class has you interested in Chinese/American foreign relations?  Take an intensive Mandarin course. Let’s say you were reading about how a certain plant may cure Alzheimer’s, you now have botany for the next nine weeks. And if baseball is your life…  take your baseball elective. Dance classes, art classes, music classes, health classes… . they are all encouraged and showcased, and kids can focus on as much as they want of any of those in their remaining five hours a day.  After all, they only have four required hours of classes.

All students are provided with the same laptop/ tablet.  No other electronics are accessible during class except for those needed for that class and that class period.

Even students know they are far too distracted by their devices during class.  This will keep them on task.

Yes, yes… “How do we fund this? ”  “Who is going to organize and supervise those three week extension activities?”  “Who is doing the remediation?”  “How do we decide what electives?” “How do we find qualified teachers for all of these things?”

I agree… that’s why I called it utopia.  This is just my educational vision.  Now, if we agree this is how education should look, how do we make it happen?

The topic of a “Safe Space” came up again with my students the other day.  I was interested to find out that some of my colleagues had not heard of this phenomenon.  The general consensus was “that’s the most ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.”

I don’t know if it’s the MOST ridiculous thing I’ve ever heard.  I’ve heard LOTS of ridiculous things… but I do tend to agree. But just because I agree, am I right?

In my classroom, we spend the first fifteen minutes or so of every AP (college level) class watching and talking about the news.  We watch “your world in 90 seconds” or students or I  bring in articles that we’d like to discuss with the whole class.

This week I brought in an article wherein University of Houston professors were advised that they may want to change their curriculum as a response to concealed carry.  They were warned that they may have some volatile students who responded inappropriately to controversial topics or to one another..

My gut instinct is that this is an unintended result of a good idea that has gone bad.

I feel like “safe spaces,” anti-bullying regulations, anxiety medications, and general coddling may be making it so that students are so protected that they are not equipped to deal with their emotions.

It is AWFUL to watch a kid feel uncomfortable.  Horrible.  They don’t have fully developed frontal lobes.  They don’t have full control over their emotions.  They don’t have the ability to completely rationalize.  Things hit them sooooooooooo hard!!!  That’s both the wonderful and the horrible thing about being a kid.  They see some of the atrocities for the first time and they react. They don’t know how truly horrible the world is yet.  As Harper Lee pointed out in To Kill a Mockingbird, “only the children weep.”

Good, kind-hearted adults:  parents, teachers, counselors, professors…  Wow we hate to see these kids hurting.  A devoutly religious girl has to hear virulent Atheists slam her faith, a girl who was raped has to hear that she asked for it, a boy who is struggling with his own sexuality has to hear about how he is an abomination.  A black girl has to hear racial slurs over and over and over again as we’re reading classic literature.

They are not equipped to deal.  It cuts them more deeply than it would cut an adult.  So we want to give them someplace to decompress.  We want to try to make them never deal with things that will hurt them in the first place.

But here’s the problem.

If we shield them and protect them, do we ever teach them to cope and deal?  Or do we respond by believing if they’re too upset in a college class that they may pull a gun?

I posed this same question to my students.  One girl responded, “Personally, I need a safe space.  I deal a lot with depression and anxiety.  I sometimes need the chance to go someplace and deal with my emotions.  I’m not hiding or ignoring.  I just need a minute sometimes.”

I responded,  “But what if it happens at work?  Then what?  Are you going to get up and walk out of a meeting because something a coworker or your boss said upset you?”

She thought for a minute and then responded, “Yes, I think I would.”

My immediate reaction was to think “You can’t do that.  You need to bottle up those emotions and just deal with it.  Or, if it’s appropriate, you need to address the situation.”

But then I thought “Am I right?  Is that true?”

I’m not a counselor.  I’m an expert at bottling my thoughts and emotions when I feel it’s appropriate to do so.  I’m an expert at arguing my point…but I am NOT an expert at actually allowing myself to FEEL an emotion and deal with it…. to give myself time to recollect in tranquility.

I also  think that everyone NEEDS to have their beliefs challenged.  They NEED to know why they believe what they do… and hearing opposing viewpoints is VERY uncomfortable –especially when they are presented in a combative way.  Still they need to be heard.  But my student said she DOES hear and listens… but she needs to process without being badgered and insulted.

That kind of made sense to me.

There are times on social media that I want to retreat to my safe place.  I am very careful and considerate to never belittle or wound when I state an opinion on the Internet.  Still, OFTEN people who disagree with me go into attack mode.  They are hostile and aggressive about their opinions.  Even as an arguably full-functioning adult it is very difficult not to respond in kind.

Is it possible that “safe spaces” are really a good idea?

Is it possible that students are not using them because they’ve been babied too much but instead to truly consider the ideas of others?

(Nah, I still think they need to learn how to feel uncomfortable… and I think most of them are using them as space to run away… but at least now I see the point.)

No.. not me… I don’t have any kids.  I mean unless you’re counting those hundred and something that traipse through  my room…  that’s a different kind of kid…

I mean I miss life before my friends and family had kids.

Yes, I understand how insanely selfish this sounds.

Let me clarify.

I don’t wish that they didn’t have kids.  I know how much they LOVE their children.  This was something that they had planned their lives around.  Their kids bring them so much immense joy, and I couldn’t be happier for my friends and family!!  Oh, and their kids are funny and bright and sweet.  They are such good human beings.  I’m glad that they are part of this world because they are going to make the world a better place by being born.

I’m glad to have nephews and all of the myriad cousins of my nephews.  I’m thrilled that my parents and my in laws have grandchildren.  They love them to the ends of the earth.

But I’m definitely nostalgic for the days before my own life’s personal “baby boom” occurred.

Once upon a time I had a large family with no little kids.  Family gatherings were adult parties.  Often living room floors would be cleared out to make room for dance floors and cocktail concoctions were the center of the festivities.  Now, the bouncy house has taken over… and even though the cocktails are still there, every conversation is interrupted by screaming children running through the room.  Full attention is never anywhere… because you have to have one eye and one ear on the child who may or may not be getting ready to run across a glass table top.

The idea of getting online and booking a weekend get away to Vegas or Port A or Mexico is a thing of the past.  Who will stay behind to watch the kids?  Is there a kid friendly place to take them with us?  I want them to experience part of this, too.

The girl trips with  my friends are a memory.  I know they want to go, too… But they love their little tiny ones… and they can’t bear to be away from them.  I totally understand… they’re so lovely and sweet… and hanging out in the pool with friends can happen ANY time; you only get to cuddle with that tiny little bundle for a VERY short amount of time in the greater scheme of things.

And, in truth, I feel a little left out.  I hear about their play dates, and how they got together and their kids get together and play together, and I don’t get to be a part because I don’t have any kids.

Don’t get me wrong.  It’s not even that I’m sure I WANT to be there… I don’t have that selective deafness that parents develop that allows them to tune out the shrieking.  It’s just that I miss my friends.  I miss my family.  I miss life before kids.

I know that on some level they miss PART of all of that, too… and they look forward to having some of those days again.  But the days they’re having RIGHT NOW… they’ll never be able to recapture THOSE moments… and they are precious and wonderful and far more important than driving through the wine country in limousine without a care in the world.

So for now I am happy to hear your stories of good report cards and diaper blowouts and dance recitals and birthday parties and sleeping through the night and new words and dinosaur parks…

…just know that when the next chapter starts, I’ll still be here ready to create some new memories.

Looking for your opinion:

On my neighborhood Facebook page I have a neighbor who was very upset and said she felt attacked.  Someone apparently left an atheist pamphlet on her door entitled “Why we Are not a Christian Nation” and asked if any of her other neighbors received such a pamphlet.

No one had.  She said, “Maybe the reason I was attacked is because I have a ‘Jesus is the Reason for the Season’ wooden sign in my yard.  Maybe I’ll just leave it up a few extra months.”  She was greeted with strong support by other neighbors who told her to stand for Jesus.

My thoughts:

1. It is her lawn.  She should be able to put anything on her lawn that doesn’t violate HOA policy.
2. “Attack” seems like the incorrect word to use in this situation.  I am bothered by people so easily using inflammatory connotative language to describe an incident.  (I feel the same way about “sexual assault.”)  That being said, if she wants to express her belief, can others respond to her belief?  I don’t think it’s appropriate to walk up to someone’s private property and put a pamphlet on their door, but what if her neighbor put up a sign saying “No Jesus for Me in the holiday Season”?  Would that be ok?

This pamphlet left other neighbors discussing whether or not this was a safe neighborhood to live in anymore with people leaving these attacks on the doors of Christians.

Since moving in, I have had several very polite Mormons and Jehovah’s Witnesses come to my door and ask to leave their info with me.  I politely decline.  They politely go.  I am not “attacked” by them because they gave me a different belief.

So I just want to know your thoughts.  We are, in fact, a nation in which the vast majority of its residents are Christians.  Yes, there are less with each passing century and probably each passing year.  I, therefore, understand the reaction of Christians to fight harder to assert their identity.  We see far more “reason for the season” and “keep the Christ in Christmas” declarations and decorations than we used to

AND I’m sure you have also heard the joke about the atheist:

So here are the questions I’m asking you to ponder…

1.  Was my neighbor attacked?
2. Should we feel that we we can post our beliefs and have no one respond to those beliefs? What if it’s on our private property? (our lawn, our cars, our t-shirt)
3. Is it the duty of Christians to publicly state their beliefs?
4. Are atheists attempting to “recruit” other atheists?

As for the whole “Christian nation” argument… I don’t think there really is an argument.  We have more Christians in this nation than any other religion or LACK of religion… but it’s a fundamental part of our national character that we are NOT a theocracy… therefore NOT a Christian nation.

Pretty simple… but I wouldn’t want to attack anyone by leaving a pamphlet about it.

In 2000 the opening scene of the MTV movie awards was a Sex and The City/ The Matrix parody…  pretty darn funny…  but the more I think about it, the more I think Carrie was right:

Maybe I should live in the matrix.

Admittedly, I’m not a huge sci fi fan, and I think I’ve only seen the Matrix in bits and pieces, but I remember Morpheus (or whatever his name is) at the beginning saying that the FIRST Matrix was devoid of strife/hardship… and it didn’t work… that the robots or computers or whoever they were needed to manufacture those things so that life felt more “real.”

I think I’d be okay living in the first matrix… the one without the strife and hardships.  I mean if robots and computers are sucking off my perfectly happy body and I know nothing about it, is it really a problem?

Part of my responsibility as an AP teacher is to teach my kids to become “informed global citizens.”  Sometimes–scratch that–often, I find myself thinking, “No, I don’t wanna.”

Last week a student said, “Don’t you think it’s weird that you just started forcing us to pay attention to the news and all of the sudden all of these bad things are happening?”

Another student responded to her, “They’ve always been happening; you just didn’t know.”

And I saw her face fall…  and my heart broke a little bit.

The problem is not being informed.

The problem is being informed and having no real ability to fix it.

It’s whack-a-mole.

It’s sticking your finger in the dam while another leak springs someplace else.

It’s turning your Facebook profile into a French flag while a police officer is killed in Colorado Springs.

I want to solve the mental illness crisis in the United States.  I want to fix every social media inaccuracy that fuels hatred.  I want to save all the unwanted babies.  I want to stop terrorism.  I want to help Syrian refugees.  I want to stop the AIDS crisis in Africa.  I want to rehabilitate prisoners.  I want to rescue animals.  I want to eliminate teen suicide.  I want to fix the education system.  I want a representative government. I want all wars to end.  I want people to use welfare responsibly.  I want everyone to feel safe.

But I can’t DO anything.

I try to tell myself to be the change I wish to see in the world  (which, incidentally, is not what Gandhi told me to do.) but then a police officer dies just trying to protect other people, who may or may not be going through the most gut wrenching decision they’ve ever made in their lives,  who are being killed by a man who obviously had some kind of mental issues, a man who still has a gun, and I don’t even want to get out of bed.

I try to stay informed not only for me but also so that I can debate and inform others, but it’s almost impossible to get ALL of the information, and , even when you have it, others don’t want to hear.

And, honestly, when someone tries to give it to me, there’s a lot I don’t want to hear.

I can do my little bits.  I can donate my time, my money, my resources…  but it so often feels like it doesn’t do any good.

I guess that’s why religion works for some… the idea that the reward isn’t here, but it’s in the after life… I guess that’s why college students want a “safe place” to be because the world is horrible and ugly and no matter how much they do to fix it, there will always be something else.

I don’t have desire for any sort of “happiness” for me.  I’m basically happy.  I just want to see that something MATTERS.

But really?  Really I think I’d rather bury my head in the sand.

Today, I want to live in the first matrix where robots and computers are sucking all of my life force, and I think everything is fine.

I told Richard my plan for a new business last night.  I think he was actually a little upset that I was going to blog about it.  I think he thought we could make a go of it.

There’s nothing proprietary about it, so the plan is all yours.  I actually wanted to name it “Foolproof Pandering, LLC,” but Richard was a fan of the more streamlined “Foolproof.”

So here’s what you do… every time people get outraged about something you take your truck to where the outrage is and you sell your wares to the lowest common denominator.  You get a fleet of trucks and scour the Internet for the latest outrage.

Let’s take Starbucks red cups for example.  When the outrage hits social media, you take your coffee truck and you park it right there in the Starbucks parking lot.  You start passing out Sanka or Taster’s Choice or whatever in your “Good God this is GREAT” coffee cups.  But your coffee cups say “We keep the CHRIST in our CHRISTmas and in our coffee!!”  And you sell it for a dollar more than Starbucks.  Here’s the kicker… Starbucks is in on it the whole time… They act like they’re upset that you’re in their parking lot… and they pretend that they’re serving you with a notice to quit… but they get part of your profit.  You get to use their property.  The more it seems like Starbucks is fighting you, the more outraged people get…And meantime, the fools come a flockin’

Ben Carson your outrage dujour?  The truck pulls up outside Carson’s campaign headquarters and sells t-shirts: “Ben Carson tried to stab me when he was twelve and all I got was this dumb t-shirt.”  People love the chance to buy it RIGHT there.  Carson acts outraged about the t-shirt truck… yet part of the proceeds go to the “Carson for President” fund.

Brilliant, right?  It works for any issue.  Chick fil a a few years back with all the homophobe outrage…  They could have the food truck pull up with their “certified gay chicken” served in rainbow packaging.

The best part is you will never ever run out of outrage.  You can have an entire fleet of trucks canvassing the country looking for people up in arms about something.

It’s foolproof.

So, I’m not a particularly “crafty” person… but sometimes I try to do a little something.  I carefully wire ornaments into a wreath, or I try to do something new with my hair or my eye makeup.  Things are looking okay, but I keep messing with it, and adding to it… UNTIL…  I have added and done so much that all I have left it a hot mess, and I have to throw the project away, wash my hair, wipe off all the makeup, and start over again with a CLEAN SLATE.

The same thing has happened to education.  Do you remember the three R’s?  Reading, ‘Riting, and ‘Rithmetic?  That’s what schools were intended to teach.  We were intended to give the basics for education.  Yesterday, I had a conversation with a lovely woman who asked me “Do schools still teach students how to conjugate verbs and diagram sentences?  I found that so valuable, but it doesn’t seem that’s happening anymore.”  She is quite correct.  Did it become less important?  Of course not.  It’s just that there literally isn’t enough time in the day to do all of those things anymore.  The TEKS are a mile wide and an inch thick.  We are required to teach far too much in far too little time, so the “less important skills” like GRAMMAR go by the wayside.

So how did all of this happen?

Well, when we first started this whole public education thing, not everyone had to go.  Not only that, but they were able to STOP going whenever they were finished.  If students were going to plow the fields and milk the cows, they didn’t need to spend every day there.  Then, some “cook” somewhere said, “Well, our economy is changing.  We need to have ALL of our children in school all day, every day…”  It seemed like a good idea, and compulsory education was born.

Then, studies started showing that students who are involved in fine arts are better creative thinkers.  Students who are in music classes are actually better at math.  There’s a direct correlation.  And mothers are too busy in the workplace to teach students child rearing and cooking and sewing skills, so we need a class for that…  and computers are a big part of every day life, and we need a class for that.  And the three R’s were no longer enough… so we kept adding class after class after class piling on what schools should teach, so there was less time for those other things.

Then parents saw that schools weren’t teaching cursive anymore and said, ‘We need to put THAT back in,”  so that got shoved in somewhere.  “No multiplication tables?  Don’t be crazy!”  so that was shoved in there, too… and “My child is bullied.  We need to teach students about kindness.” So that became part of the educational code.  And so did bookkeeping and Latin roots and Blackjack strategy and everything else that some parent went to Congress with and said that schools  should be teaching, so we did all that.

Then people started to cry, “How do I know that my child is getting the same kind of education as every other student in the neighboring school district?  How do I know he will be prepared for life?”  so the mass testing came in so that we could check that the Blackjack strategists in Wyoming are just as talented as those in Florida.  And we made sure those tests were as “rigorous” as possible… and that students couldn’t graduate unless they knew exactly when to “hit me” or “stick.”

But some kids had more trouble doing all these tests than others, and a doctor came in and said “Well, it’s not your child’s fault ; he has <insert appropriate learning disorder here>. You need to tell the school.  They need to modify so that it’s fair for him.”  And then it turns out that every kid who has ever learned has some sort of “disorder” which causes him to process information differently, so there are hundreds of different legally required modifications/accommodations in every building, every single day… all leading up to their being able to take the same Blackjack test…

There is detailed paperwork for every single one of these things… Every thing you’re required to teach.  Every kid for whom you’re required to accommodate.  Every hoop you’re supposed to go through…So to make this happen, they add NEW programs that you’re supposed to follow step by step… RTI and Capturing Kids’ Hearts and Curriculum by Design… and they spend MILLIONS of dollars to add one more thing that you need to do.

And then you’re told that EVERY SINGLE STUDENT must graduate from high school.  And that EVERY SINGLE STUDENT, regardless of interest or ability level , must be “college ready” when s/he graduates… because whether or not a student wants to go… we have to make sure that s/he is “ready.”

So what happened… is a hot mess.  A project that started out with the best intentions has fallen apart so drastically that there really is no way to fix it anymore other than throwing it ALL away and starting over. We need to go back to basics.  We need to take the stigma away from apprenticeships and internships and “blue collar” work.  We need to expand the amount of time that we teach the foundation skills instead of worrying so much about HIGHER LEVEL THINKING.  We need to trust experts in their field that they know what they’re doing and stop honoring every squeaky wheel from the outside.

We need to start over.

Do you lock your doors before you leave your house?  Do you have uninsured motorist coverage on your car?  Do you have passwords for your bank accounts? Do you avoid walking in sketchy areas alone at night? Do you hide your bags when you go into the gym?

I’m hoping the answer to all of the questions above is “yes.”  If it isn’t, you’re DEFINITELY not going to agree with the next thing I say.

People should do everything in their power to protect themselves before they want to scream and cry that they’ve been wronged.  No one is perfect.  We all have faults, but it is the rare case that something that happens is ENTIRELY another person’s fault.

If your house gets robbed, your car gets stolen, your money is taken and you have done nothing to prevent it happening, it actually IS somewhat your fault.

You don’t blame the sun for burning you when you don’t put on sunscreen.  You have to prevent bad things from happening.

If you are roughed up by a police officer because you were being defiant, is it entirely your fault?  Of course not.  Is it PARTIALLY your fault, however?  Of COURSE it is.  You could have done something to prevent it from happening, you should have.  It’s not about politics or agenda, it’s about self preservation.  If you’re making yourself into a victim, that’s ridiculous.

If you are a drunk, scantily clad coed hanging all over a drunk boy at a college party and he assaults you, is it entirely your fault?  Of course not.  Is it PARTIALLY your fault, however?  Of COURSE it is.  You could have done more to prevent it from occurring.  You shouldn’t have put yourself in a situation where you were lacking power and common sense.

And the least popular example, the bullied child.  Look, I’ve been a teacher for a long time… and there truly are some students who help to make themselves the target.  They are loud, obnoxious, draw attention to every single difference they have.  They pester and annoy.  And kids less in control of their own emotions and temper get fed up and let them have it.  Is it entirely the fault of the target?  Don’t be ridiculous!   No one should be bullied or hurt for being different.  But, are there some things that they could have done to prevent it?  Sometimes, yes.

Let’s be honest.

Of course there are times you will do everything right and your house will still be burgled, your car will still be hit, your bank account will still be hacked…

But there are also times you can work to prevent those things… and there are times that you can be less of a victim.