Excellence Playa Mujeres Day 1 of 5

Travel journal!   I post these more for me than anyone else, but if you like ’em, read it!   I love to see them come up in my memories a year later!

Anyway, if you don’t like the long recaps, scroll on by… if you do, settle on in!!

Thursday, November 15, 2018

We left the house at 3:15 AM to catch our 6 AM flight. I checked the weather before we left, and it looked to be cool and rainy, but it looked like it would be that way only for the first day. I always say not to check the weather, but c’mon… who doesn’t!  We were deicing in Austin, so we knew it had to be warmer than that!

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Landed in Cancun by 920. Scooped up our luggage. We COULD have gone carry-on… but I like to be able to have everything I think I MIGHT need, and I did. Baggage claim was fast, out the doors at terminal 4 over to Kalido. Our ambassador told us our driver would be there in “One American minute because you can’t trust those Mexican minutes” and he was!

10 passenger van for the 4 of us (Paul, Julie, Richard, and I) A bottle of Andre (nothing but the good stuff) was consumed on the way to the resort! I felt my excitement building as we proceeded through the succession of gates. Then, the cool towel and my friend Mark York came to greet us and give us the key to his and Heather Howard Santiago‘s room so we could change into swim stuff until it was time we got to go back to our room.

We were whisked off to EC, checked in… By now, I was in full on CRAZY mode… Ran up to Mark and Heather’s room, threw my clothes off, decided I didn’t want to take my phone with me, put on a bathing suit, and greeted Heather from her own balcony. She was hanging out with her new friends in the building 8 pool.

I greeted her, and we ran off to Las Olas for lunch. The wind was whipping and the rain was stinging my face… I made up a small plate of nachos. Still, I actually wanted to go sit at the grill for lunch. I decided this was my “tradition” even though this was only the second time I had been to EPM. I dragged a willing Richard back up the grill. I had the corn soup and the fish tacos. The corn soup was amazing. The fish was a little mushy but still good. Richard had the ceviche, which was AWESOME. I drank a couple of sauvignon blancs at lunch (Yes, day one was starting to go the fuzzy direction that my day ones usually do at resorts…)

 

From there, I went to the main pool. I had so much fun there with the live bands at the swim up bar last year. It was SUPER crowded around the pool, but no one was in it. The sun was starting so peek out, but it was still cold. Heather and I don’t care, however, and we got right in. We went over to the swim up bar, and I had a few “Excellence” drinks on the rocks. Eventually, we decided to go back to the building 8 pool where Mark and Heather had been spending their afternoons.

We sat up at the bar where Tonatiuh Maldonado Gerardo was the great drink pusher he always is ! 🙂 I had a few of his concoctions… and a few straight shots of vodka. Then, our room was ready.

We were in building 7 again, but I didn’t like my room as much this time. (It was 7118). It was tucked so far in a corner that there wasn’t really much view of anything at all… I think my next time around I’ll be getting an ocean view or roof top terrace, and I wasn’t a big fan of the way the building 7 pool was “run” this time around. The pillows I had requested were there and so was my Bailey’s, so that was awesome, courtesy of Vilma Montalvo!

Anyhow, I opened the bottle of sparkling and got changed because it was Thursday, and I was determined to get to the chocolate party at the EC lounge before our tequila tasting. We ordered some cheese fingers and wings with fries.  Both of which were okay, but not great.  But, heck, room service is included… so…It was at this point I realized I had “lost” my phone… I think I cared about this less than any of the people who I was with. 🙂

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The chocolate party was VERY crowded. I walked in, tried one piece, and left, too much craziness going on in there for my liking! They did, however, have ports and other drinks to try if you liked.

We didn’t spend much time at the EC lounge this time. I know it will open upstairs in about three weeks, and, I have decided that I will like that. It will be nice to have an EC only place to go before or after meals in the main building.

From there, we went to Agave for the tequila tasting. This was a lot of fun! The tequilas weren’t particularly unusual or high end, but the experience was fun. Iris, the sommelier, gave great information about the region and tequilas. The most fun for me, was the pairing with the foods! Who would’ve thought tequila would pair so well with a chocolate covered strawberry? I also have the chance to taste a “new to me” drink that I LOVED–sangrita…

 

We stayed at Agave for dinner. There were six of us, and they were going to seat us inside, but I asked to be where we could see the cheese demonstration. The weather was now gorgeous. We were outside at a large, round, corner table. There were no mariachis that night which was my only minor disappointment. We got the cheese demonstration and tasted it with some fabulous tortillas. I just asked our server to bring me his favorite things. We had a plate of excellent grilled meats, the pork shank was wonderful… and the sauvignon blanc continued. I was definitely BLURRY by this point…

 

We said goodnight to Heather and Mark and headed out to see the fire show at White Night. Since it has been a rainy day it was at Prelude instead of the beach. We went into the martini lounge first. Cesar Espinosa was in his usual fast motion mode. He turned and looked and said, “What can I get you..” to our friends. Then, I saw recognition dawn on his face as he smiled and said “Welcome back, amigos” to Richard and me… How can they do that? We were there for four days a YEAR ago. Pretty impressive. Anyway, I had him make me something with mint and cucumber…

We stood and watched the fire show for awhile. Richard and I said goodnight to Paul and Julie. Then, Richard and I went to get ANOTHER drink and say hi to Diego. We’d been up since 3… and since Richard was so sleepy he went off to bed. I, unfortunately, did not….(I paid for it the next day! The only sick I get at EPM is the kind I bring on myself!). I stayed for the end of the fire show and a few more drinks before going to the martini bar for just one more… Then, I stumbled back to my room and mumbled something at Richard…  Richard had gotten to the room before turndown service came, but he got the petit fours.  I didn’t eat them all this year…
so brought an end to day #1…

What 1950s Wives, Ancient Greeks, Judge Kavanaugh, Dr. Ford, and Slave Owners All Have in Common

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I’ve seen this “Tips to Look After Your Husband” many times.  There have been many incarnations of this same thing, causing many modern day women to laugh and say, “Thank goodness times have changed.”  Once upon a time, however, this was a reality.  Heck, I remember even in the 70s when my mom, who had often been at work herself, would redo her hair and makeup before my dad came home and make a point of greeting him at the door.

I’ve taught my students about Greek gods before, reminding them time and time again, that this was non-fiction.  The Greeks explained natural phenomenons by telling stories of fighting gods and wars.  When I teach American literature, we discuss Native American legends and how they believe the earth was built on a turtle’s back.  We discuss the universe and how at one point the earth was believed to be the center.
My students will say, “That’s so silly!!!  Why would they believe things like that?”  I respond “That’s all they knew.  We can’t judge people of the past with the knowledge we have today.  They had different information and different circumstances than we do.”

It wasn’t until people started to question these things being wrong that they began to change.

Yet. we do that all the time, don’t we?   We just assume everyone thinks like us, has the same background as us, has the same logic as us, the same reasoning as us…

A colleague at work the other day mentioned a teacher friend of hers who received a parent complaint when she was explaining why slavery existed.  The teacher was explaining the economics and motivation for slavery.  The parent became very upset and said that many students were upset because the teacher was justifying slavery.  Of course, NOW in America we would not attempt to justify slavery.  In our current climate the idea of purchasing and owning human beings is ludicrous, and we are rightfully horrified that it ever happened.  In the 1600s and 1700s, though?  It was common for the time. If you were a wealthy person with land in the South, you had slaves.

It wasn’t until people started to question these things being wrong that they began to change.

And because of this, I have sympathy not only for Dr. Ford but also for Judge Kavanaugh.

I’m of the same generation as Ford and Kavanaugh.  Although they grew up with a few more silver spoons in their mouths than I did in mine, I am at least familiar with the life of upper middle class boys and girls in the 1980s.

Let me start with Dr. Ford.  I have mentioned several times that I was sexually assaulted.  Even as I type this now, I do it with my stomach contorting with shame, and I’m not sure if I’m allowed to call it that.  There was a group of boys at the lake by my house who did it repeatedly…  because I repeatedly put myself in the situation where they could.  There was a boy who held me down in the living room of my own house.  There was a boy in the upstairs bedroom of a friend’s house.  All of these things happened between my 8th grade year and my sophomore year.  I told no one.  Today, I can only name one of them. I couldn’t give you a date.  For some I can’t even give the year. One of these happened after I had been drinking.  I have no idea whose house it was.   Even today I still have trouble coming to terms with the fact that it wasn’t my fault. When I said, “no” and fought him off, it was not my fault that he didn’t stop.  But I let him start…. and I didn’t do anything after.

This is not about her coming forward now.  This is not about the political part.  I just know that in class over the last several days, students keep asking me, “Why didn’t she say anything, then?”  And I am surprised to find myself holding back tears as I tell them.  I don’t share my story with them, and I wonder why not.  It wasn’t my fault, but I still don’t feel like I should say it.  So, I tell them, “It happened LONG before #metoo and throngs of women stepping forward.  As women, we were taught to protect ourselves from boys… because boys would be boys…  When we neglected to protect ourselves, there was a lot of shame with it.  Things like ‘date rape’ weren’t mentioned.  Rape was a stranger on the street, not someone you knew.  Being assaulted by a boy was embarrassing.  It would be very hard to say anything.”

It wasn’t until people started questioning these things being wrong that they began to change.

But, Judge Kavanaugh, I understand, too… because boys will be boys…  that’s what I was told growing up.  I’m sure he was, too.  I continued to be in situations where I had to interact with one of my attackers for years after.  He was older than I was, but I would see him in my neighborhood and other places.  He never acted like some criminal.  He never acted like it happened at all– because to him, it was no big deal.  You see, girls knew when guys got drunk they acted stupid.  Girls expected guys to grope and touch in unwanted ways.  Guys were told this was expected of them.  Adults simply shook their heads and rolled their eyes when they heard of the “antics” of groups of boys.  Boys  learned their rules of decorum from Porky’s movies and Animal House.  They never realized they were doing anything wrong.  So when Kavanaugh and his drunk friends started messing around with a few drunk girls, they never thought anything of it.  No boys in the 70s and 80s did.

So, to me, that explains a lot of what’s happening now.  Dr. Ford has been haunted for years and Judge Kavanaugh never felt he did a single thing wrong.

I believe both of them.

I believe we’re judging both of them by today’s standards for something that happened 30 years ago.

I think it’s good we’re questioning that these things are wrong.  Maybe now they’ll have a chance to change.

#Metoo, I guess…Feeling Conflicted

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As a woman, there are things you’re just supposed to do.  It’s girl code.  Someone tells you that someone tried to rape them, you don’t ask them questions like “Well, what did you do?  How were you in that situation to begin with?”  You nod.  You support them.  You cry with them. You help.

For too long there was far too much shame associated with women coming forward.  It was always turned on them, “What did YOU do that caused him to…?”  Women were afraid to come forward because of the interrogations that they would face even though they were victims.

We don’t ask people who are victims of robbery why they don’t have alarm systems on their houses.  We don’t ask people who are rear ended in a car accident why they didn’t get out the way.  We don’t suggest that someone who was mugged should have fought back… but when women are assaulted by someone they know, we ask the women to tell us how it happened.  That’s wrong…

Now… here’s the big old BUT that will make many women turn on me…  Even though this shouldn’t really be about politics, many Democrats will turn on me, too… (Although, to the people who disagree with me simply because they’re Democrats, I will ask you how you felt about Bill Clinton after Juanita Broaddrick came forward…)

BUT…  Okay, so #metoo.  I was sexually assaulted as a pre-teen.  At the time it was very confusing.  He was a boy whom I liked, had a crush on actually.  He was someone with whom I had flirted.  Then, one day, he attacked me.  I was scared and crying.  I was confused while it was happening, and I was confused after it was over.  I remember trying to get away.

I don’t think I told anyone at the time.  I think he told me not to tell anyone.  I’m not sure.  I can’t remember.  I remember that it happened.  I remember that it was violent and humiliating.  I remember thinking it was partly my fault…But I can’t tell you what year it happened.  I can’t give you many details other than remembering where I was.  I can give you his name, but I’m not going to…

So for the past week I’ve been wondering about Christine Blasey Ford.

I’m not doubting that what she said is the truth.  I’m doubting why she came forward and whether she should have or not.  I’m wondering if she’s now wishing she hadn’t.

I understand that this may have been a moment in her life that has affected her forever… the way that my assault has me.  What I don’t understand was what her reasoning was in coming forward.

Why did she write a letter to a political figure if her motivation wasn’t political?

I try to think of what I would do.  If my attacker was all of the sudden in the forefront of national news, would I come forward?  What would my purpose be?  Would I be doing it because I truly thought I was doing a service to the country?

Ford has nothing to gain here and everything to lose, so it would seem.  It would seem the allegations have to be true…

Still… why?   Does she truly believe that his high school actions show that he can’t be an impartial judge.  Does she believe this is likely a pattern that he has engaged in during his entire life despite all of the women who have come forward to the contrary?

If for the first time in 30 years I saw my attacker’s face plastered across the television screen winning a huge honor, a presidential appointment, I’d be shocked… because to me the 15-year-old boy who hurt me is not worthy of an honor.  I would not, however, come forward… because who he was as a 15-year-old boy is not necessarily who he is as a 48-year-old man.

He shouldn’t have done what he did back then… but I didn’t say a word then…  I didn’t even ever let him know after that day that I thought it was wrong.  Did she?  I saw him again after that, and still I said nothing.  Did she?  Can I come forward 30 years later with an army of #metoo people who have decided on his guilt before he ever has a chance to respond?  Should she?

So I end up feeling very conflicted about all this mess.  Should she have come forward?  Does it matter?  Is this the shot across the bough we need?  The final nail in the coffin?  Is it just part of the current political climate?  Should I be supporting her because we are both assault victims?

Are you feeling conflicted?  Me, too…

Passing Through Paso 2.0: Day 5 of 5

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After three straight days of continuous palate and liver practice, it was time for a day of rest and a little bit of sight seeing. The morning began with  more excitement than we planned.  Since we were finished buying wine, we were going to pack it up and ship it back to Texas.   When driving through Napa, there’s a shipping place on practically every corner.   Well, apparently the laws have changed recently regarding shipping, and none of the people who would ship in the past would anymore.  EEEEEEK!  You can check your wine when you fly; but without all the proper accouterments to pack it properly, getting it there in one piece can be dicey.  We could have direct shipped from the wineries, but with just 1 or 2 bottles from each winery that gets prohibitively expensive.  Luckily, one of the wineries from which we purchased was kind enough to help us out and only charge shipping cost to Fed Ex our two cases.  We felt QUITE lucky; we were able to get our spoils when we got home!

We did have 25 bottles of wine (one more than two cases), so Richard decided we would pack a bottle of white in our suitcase.   Several years ago we had a $100 bottle of red that broke.  Losing the bottle was sad.  It also stained all of our clothes AND the suitcase.  He figured white was a better risk.  (It made it home without breaking this time!)

That behind us, we started out for our day.

When we were in Paso last year, we realized that we’d like to spend some time in the towns of San Luis Obispo (known to the locals as SLO), the beach town of Cambria, and up to San Simeon for Hearst Castle and elephant seals.  We knew we wouldn’t have time to do all of those things, but we were going to try!   We set out for the day with big plans… Cambria for lunch, followed by Hearst Castle, then elephant seals, then drive down to SLO before back up to Paso for dinner.  We eventually found out we had bitten off more than we could chew… but why not dream big?

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We began our 37 mile drive from Paso to Cambria at about 10 o’clock that morning.  It was a gorgeous day out, but already we could see the fog rolling in off the coastline as we drove.

 

We drove through Cambria, which looked like a really cool town for those who like to shop (we don’t), and along Moonstone beach to see the Pacific Ocean.  I had done a little research beforehand and suggested that we have lunch at a place called Centrally Grown.  It supposedly had the best views in the area.  When we were sat at a table about 100 feet above the ground and entirely surrounded by glass, I would have to agree this was definitely the case.  If we had more time, the store at the property and the expansive grounds would be worth exploring;  but we were on a mission!

 

We had pre-purchased tickets to our two tours from the Hearst Castle website.  The tours were $25 per person a piece, AND there was an $8 advanced service charge per ticket.  We probably could have waited to buy our tickets until we got there, but I would have hated to come all the way from Texas and not be able to tour.

We knew the tour that included admission to the castle also included seeing the 40-minute movie Building the Dream about the history of building the castle.  We decided we wanted to see that before entering the castle, so we had our timing figured out perfectly.  By the time we got there, the fog was so thick we couldn’t see the castle at all from the visitors’ center at the foot of the hill.  The movie was fascinating.  We boarded the bus for the castle.

On the winding path up the hill, Alex Trebek narrated what we COULD be seeing were it a clear day.  We got glimpses but never a full view.  Still, it was gorgeous.  We began our first tour, The Grand Rooms tour, as a slight mist was starting to fall.  Each tour is guided by a very knowledgeable docent who gives the history and the stories of what occurred in each room.

 

 

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“Case grande,” as it is known, was breathtaking from floor to ceiling.  There was not a blank spot on any wall or in any area.  Hearst Castle is first and foremost an art museum, including the statues and ceilings.  I considered going through and detailing every picture, but it truly is one of those “you have to see it for yourself” experiences.   The Neptune Pool outside has been empty since 2016 for repairs.  The repairs are actually about two years behind schedule.  Well, you know, contractors and government.  Am I right, or am I right?

Because of Richard’s epicurean ways and both of our wine interests, I also scheduled the “cottages and kitchens” tour.  There are actually about five different tours you can take, all at an hour each.  Hearst Castle has five “cottages.”   The largest is over 5000 square feet and was actually the one when Hearst stayed when he was at “the ranch.”

 

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I could have happily done a tour of the ceilings alone.  They are gorgeous!   We loved to hear the stories as we wandered outdoors of how Charlie Chaplin would hide inside the sarcophagus to scare guests as they walked by.  We re-entered Casa Grande for the kitchen and the piece de resistance, the wine cellar.

 

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I was shocked by some of the quite “modern” conveniences of the stand mixer and heated tables.  As we descended the narrow staircase around the elevator into the basement, I could smell the familiar aroma of wine.  Many of the bottles in the cellar are still full (although likely undrinkable), including a Hungarian dessert wine from the 1800s.  I also saw bottles of Dom Perignon and 1931 Domaine de la Romanee Conti, which would be around $15,000 a bottle at auction. Interestingly, William Randolph Hearst didn’t drink and would only allow his guests to have HIS alcohol (although David Niven was known to smuggle his own in and hide it under the bed.)  He would allow them about one glass a night.

We could have continued to peruse the grounds for as long as we wanted at the conclusion of the tour, but with the fog so thick, and a continuous mist, we elected to make our way past the indoor pool.  The Hearst family still has rights to use the pool after hours.  The floor is made-up of 24 karat gold.

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On our winding road down the hill, Alex Trebek continued to tell us about the sweeping views we could not see.  We did, however, get to pass the zoo including the polar bear enclosure.  None of the animals are there anymore.  Some zebras and antelope escaped over the years and can be seen grazing with the herd of cattle that the Hearst family still owns on the mountain.

When we were going back to the car, it was later than we thought and raining relatively hard, so our plans of going to see elephant seals and checking out SLO were both thwarted.  We drove back towards our temporary home for our last night in Paso Robles.

We had reservations that night for The Hatch.  We had been dreaming of their amazing maitake mushrooms since last year.  Each night The Hatch has a special meat of the day.  Sunday night is prime rib and Monday is fried chicken.  We were there on Monday.  As we started with cocktails, our waiter let us know that on Monday they take the burnt ends from the prime rib on Sunday and use it to make a macaroni and cheese.  It was definitely necessary to try that along with our mushrooms and cocktails.

 

The fried chicken was wonderful, served with an excellent homemade hot sauce.  Richard and I both got to try a wine from one of the wineries we didn’t have a chance to visit on this trip.  I had a fantastic Ledge rose and Richard had a Lefondusac cab franc to go with our chicken and our final meal.

We made our way back to our fifth and final consecutive night at Taste in the Alley to bid a fond farewell and “until we meet again” to Kitty and Larry.

The next morning we set off on the 2 1/2 hour journey back up the 101 to San Jose airport.  We had a minor delay on our flight to LAX because President Trump was flying in the area and the airspace had to stay empty.  We were on the ground in LA for only about 30 minutes before being back in the air to Austin.

Exhausted and happy, we had completed another spring break trip.  We’re already feeling some remorse that we don’t intend to return to Paso next year.  We think we’re more likely to go further north on the coast and try out Washington and Oregon where we haven’t traveled, yet.  Still, we love Paso, and we’re likely to return someday in the not too distant future.

Passing Through Paso 2.0: Day 4 of 5

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The last time we came to Paso Robles, we only had part of an afternoon at Tin City.  Since it was a weekday, most everything was closed.   We knew, then, that we would make an entire day of Tin City when we came back.

Sunday was that day.

I had mentioned before that the family tree of Paso wineries is more like a bramble bush… or a mangrove.  It’s all interconnected and crisscrossed.  Everyone has worked with everyone and still works with them on special projects at different times.

Tin City throws all of them together.  It’s in an industrial park on the east side of Paso (using west side grapes, of course 🙂  ).  There are a few places where you could get a car stereo system put in and things of that ilk, but it’s primarily about wine and a few brewers.  When we went last year, we had the privilege of tasting at Desparada (the wife of the winemaker at Herman Story is the winemaker there) and ONX.  Today we had quite a few more on our lineup.

So that the bear could enjoy the day as much as I did, we took an Uber for our 10 minute trip down the road.  As we are non-city folk, we managed to irritate our first Uber driver by trying to schedule a time…  instead, he showed up within 5 minutes, and we weren’t ready.  Oooops!   Now we know.  I knew enough to be worried that our rating as 5 star passengers may be tarnished by our ignorance.  I sure hope not!

Our first appointment of the day was at 11 AM at monochrome.  We chose them to begin because they are a “whites only” (yes, I’m aware of how wrong that sounds) producer.  We knew we’d be experiencing palate fatigue by the end of the day, so why not start there.

Monochrome is owned by a charming smarty mcsmarterson Stanford MBA, Dave McGee.  You have the opportunity to taste his 90 point + wines with him in an ultra sleek, modern tasting area that he shares with two other wineries.  His consulting wine maker has worked at some of the best wineries in Paso and in the world.  Monochrome experiments with the wine every step of the way.  They say that they modeled their wine making after Phil Spector’s 1960 “Wall of Sound” style of music producing.  They want to meticulously blend and layer and create something different than had ever been created before.

Our next appointment wasn’t until 1 o’clock, so we asked about some other places we should try.  Our next stop was a BIG departure from Monochrome.  We went from delicate whites to some reds that were not at all shy with Brian Benson.  Brian grew up in the wine industry, making his first wine when he was twelve.  On his 21st birthday in 2003 he released his first vintage of wine for sale.  We got a chance to taste with him.  He’s an artist and a hot rod builder.  I always love the stories behind the wine! My favorite here was S&M.   (What?!?!  It was!   I told you I love mouvedre.)

From there we made the trek back up the hill to the same building as Monochrome.  This time it was for Turtle Rock.  Turtle Rock was my destination winery of Tin City.  Each time we are at a winery, we ask about other wineries we need to visit.  Most mentioned this year was Turtle Rock. This is a winery owned by Don Burns.  He interned with his friend, Justin Smith at Saxum–arguably the best winery in Paso.  And some of his grapes come from one of the best vineyards, James Berry.

I bonded with our hostess in the tasting room.  She was a current senior at Cal Poly.  I could IMMEDIATELY tell that she was a former AP Language and Composition student,  (I was right) and that had been her favorite class.  She was also a 2014 high school grad, and that was one of my favorite groups to teach EVER.  She told us the story of how Don had reintroduced the Westberg label back on the the Paso scene and named his “Willow” wines after his daughter.

It was getting to be lunch time, so she generously offered their conference area as a place to picnic. We got a glass of wine and sat down to finish off our meat and cheeses.

From there, it was on to Richard’s “must visit” of the trip:  Jacob Toft.  Jacob is a producer known for his meticulous attention to detail.  He spent six years working for L’Aventure before opening up his own space.  He and his wife, Kelly (who we met last year at Linne Calodo) run the place in Tin City.  We got to taste with Jacob’s assistant, Fizzle. We ended up buying three of Jacob’s wines.  He also sources from the best vineyards in the Paso area, including James Berry, Stolpman, and Alta Colina.

Kelly came in and gave us some thoughts of where else we needed to go….  Since they were all RIGHT there and we had an uber to get home, why not? The first one we hit was levo.  Kelly said that Bret Urness and Jamie Traylor are up and coming winemakers in Paso.  The place was LOADS of fun to visit.  The chicks behind the counter were swilling wine and playing good music!  Fun visit!

Since it was our last drinking day…

Why not one more?  We went to have some grapes that were different than the ones we’d been trying all week.  Aaron wines are known for petite sirah and Aequorea (part of the Aaron label) is pinot noir. These were gorgeous, big wines in a lovely tranquil tasting room.

Now, we were truly crying uncle.  But we’re not quitters, so we did what all the winemakers do and ended at Tin City Cider.  We went there last year as well.  Tin City is a cidery owned by winemakers.  I love everything they do.  My favorite this time was Poly dolly.  It’s a mix of cider and rose.  Good stuff!   They have picnic tables outside, and it was a gorgeous day to take in some sun and some suds!

At this point it was time to take our “thank goodness we have an uber” selves back to Paso proper.  I introduced Richard to the concept of restaurant hopping around the square last year, so we continued this year.  We began with shared bites at Artisan before making our way to La Cosecha where we had only had cocktails a few nights before.  The extensive cocktail menu is so intriguing we had to come back for more!   I absolutely LOVE their glasses.  They are the best shape for someone who had been drinking all day!glasses

They’re more oval than they are round.  Very cool!   From there, we tried to go to Hatch, but it was SUPER crowded.   All of the restaurants in Paso proper are extremely small.  No worries: we had reservations there for the next night.  My eyes were drawn to the Vegas-style bar of CaliPaso, so we stopped in there for a glass of wine before settling at Fish Gaucho where we had excellent duck empanadas and a queso fundido with chorizo!   Yummy.  We also got a little bit of sipping tequila that goes for over $100 a bottle.  In Paso they take their cocktails as seriously as their wine.  Everything is handcrafted and scrumptious.

Since it wouldn’t be a day in Paso without ending at Taste in the Alley we returned there for our penultimate visit.

We would head out the next day to Hearst Castle!   I was looking forward to a day with a little (A LOT) less drinking, but day four had been wonderful.

There are still so many more places we need to visit; we may need to go back next year!

 

 

Passing Through Paso 2.0: Day 3 of 5

Saturday was to be our last day hanging out at the west-side Paso wineries.  It was only my 2nd trip to the region, and I already knew to be picky about my wines being from THAT side of 101.

Our first appointment was bright and early at 10 AM.  The last time we were in Paso, almost every winery we went to spoke of Tablas Creek.  The wine industry in Paso is relatively new.  Most of the wineries have only been around for about 10-20 years.  It was just your average farming community before that. Like most regions that try to grow wine in America, Paso began by planting the varietals that thrive in Napa/Sonoma like chardonnay, pinot noir, and cabernet.  The climate in Paso is MUCH different.  It is far more similar to the climate in the Rhone valley of France.  So began the Rhone Rangers.

tablas vineyard

Tablas Creek was the first to bring grapevine cuttings back from Rhone itself.  They took these cuttings to Cornell first and to UC Davis later where they were kept in quarantine for a decade before they could be released and used in vineyards.  Chateau de Beaucastel entered in a partnership with one of the founders of Tablas Creek, Robert Haas, to begin the vineyard in Paso.  Now Paso focuses most of their grapes on those Rhone varietals known as Chatauneuf du Pape or GSM (grenache/syrah/mouvedre).

I’m actually more an MGS drinker.   I like my wines heavy on the mouvedre.  Last year in Paso, I learned this was my favorite varietal, and it stayed the same this year.

At Tablas, we decided to go with the Collector’s Tasting to try some of the earlier Paso vintages.  It was fantastic.  We were seated in a private room with Leslie, the sheep lady.  Tablas Creek is an organic and biodynamic certified ranch.  Sheep, apparently, provide a lot of excellent fertilizer in the vineyards. Biodynamic wines involve all kinds of interesting/controversial methods like burying fertilizer in cow horns, looking at moon charts for picking, etc. etc.  It’s interesting, but the controversy involves  whether it truly makes a difference in the tastes of the wine.

This tasting lasted about an hour.  I learned all of the Tablas history, and I also got to learn about the Coriolis effect and its impact on wine.  I’m not as good of a sniffer as some, but apparently the wine releases different phenolics depending on which direction you swirl.  The bear and I were thrilled to see that a 2007 wine was on our tasting menu.  That’s the year we got married!   About 6 years ago we went out to Dunn in Napa and bought a 2007 which we opened on our 10th anniversary.  We’re hoping to open the Tablas Creek that we bought for our 20th.  (Richard said we need to keep an eye on their handy dandy tasting charts, and we might drink it on our 15th instead.)

From Tablas, we went to Daou.  This could just be my perception, but it seems to me that the Daou brothers are something of outsiders in the close knit community of Paso Robles.  Richard and I joked about Paso having a family bush as opposed to a family tree.  Everyone has worked for everyone else at different wineries and different collaborations.  Daou seemed to be the exception.  George and Daniel Daou are brothers who are engineers.  When they were in their 30s they sold their company for $700 million.  They used it to buy one of the most gorgeous wineries I have EVER seen in Paso Robles.

It is HUGE and ostentatious and gorgeous.  The 360 view from the tasting room is unreal.  Normally, you have to park at the bottom of the hill and take a shuttle up.  As it was raining, and somewhat early in the day, we were able to park at the top of the hill.

Unlike most of the other wineries in Paso, Daou focuses on cabernet, and they do a really darned good job of it.

For whatever reason, this was a “blurry” day to me.  :-).  I warned Richard when we left Tablas creek after having only one tasting that I was feeling a little fuzzy.  This continued for the rest of the day.  I tell my students that I don’t taste wine to get drunk, which is true.  Sometimes, however, it’s a side effect!

I was starting to get hungry, and it was beginning to rain.  I suggested we try to find somewhere to picnic, so we made a quick stop at Halter Ranch.  This is a relatively widely distributed wine and the only winery of the trip that ended up being like a “cattle call” tasting where you belly up to the bar and stand in a crowd of people thrusting their glasses forward.

There were plenty of inside picnickers, but not a whole lot of space for us.  We decided to take our chances and go down the road to a winery that had only been open for two weeks:  Paix sur terre.  Quite literally, they weren’t even finished with the tile on the floor.  This or Thacher (from day 2) was likely my favorite wine on the trip.  No surprise since the wine here was all mouvedre. Ryan and Nicole Pease are the winemakers.  Again, as part of the family wine bush, Ryan had worked with Linne Calodo and Epoch, both of which we visited and loved on our first trip.

Here we got to play with Kina, the wine dog, admire the art and sip the fine wine!   It was pouring outside at this point, so we ate in the car at the winery.  We bought two bottles of their wonderful mouvedre and will likely make it the second wine club we join since they don’t distribute their wines, and we want more.

From there, we went to the “happy coincidence” of the trip.  Last spring when we were visiting, we joined the Linne Calodo wine club, as it was our favorite winery of the trip.  We got an email from them a few weeks before which invited us to their release party.  We had booked the trip months in advance, but it just so happened we’d be in town on their release day, so we got a chance to go to our first California wine release party.

Because of the rain, they had to push the whole party into their barrel room — it was a great space for it.

linne food

I loved the treat of having passed appetizers during the tasting, and the food was MARVELOUS… really!   It was a fun time.  As you walked around, if you could find Matt Trevisan, the wine maker, you could taste some of the older vintages of wine that he kept popping open.  I hope we have a chance to go to another release party sometime.

From there, it was time to go back to the apartment and get cleaned up for our second fancy dinner of the trip.

Before dinner, we braved the rain to walk across the street from our apartment to Paso Underground.   It’s only open for limited hours on the weekends and rotates 4 different wine makers that don’t have their own tasting rooms.  We tried Copia.  They produce less than 200 cases of wine.  At this point in time, his vineyard isn’t producing grapes, yet.  He uses grapes from L’Aventure, one of the best wineries in Paso, which we visited last trip. We also tried Edumund August which I loved! Ed Sauret is a former teacher and all around wine and restaurant guy.  He started his winery in 2008.  His winemaker is Jacob Toft, whom we learned about LAST year and tasted with on day 4.

From there, we went to Il Cortile where we had eaten last year as well. It’s an Italian restaurant with an extensive wine list.  It’s generally regarded as the best fine dining in Paso.  It did not disappoint this year either.  My favorite, as it was last year, was the appetizers.

This year we had fantastic octopus and risotto with shaved black truffles.  The taste of those truffles… mmmmmmmm….

I had agnolotti and Richard had pork shank for our main courses.  Both were rich, decadent, and wonderful.

Because it is our tradition, from there we wandered back to Taste in the Alley to have our last drink of the night.  Our final day of big west side wines behind us, we went to bed ready to traverse Tin City for day 4.

Passing Through Paso 2.0: Day 2 of 5

the street

When you stay downtown, you wake up VERY early in the morning.  The rumble of the delivery trucks starts right about 5:45 AM…  but Richard and I aren’t late sleepers to begin with.  We have wine to drink!

I do like the laziness of our mornings in the apartment.  We have a couple of hours to Facebook peruse, loll around, step outside and enjoy the beauty of the quiet town.  The picture above is what we see when we go down the stairs and look across the street. Paso is still a relatively small town (about 30, 000 people), and it still has that small town feel.

I was ULTRA excited about day #2, and it most certainly did NOT disappoint.  I like wine, but I’m not GOOD at tasting.  I’m not skilled in picking out every little nuance from every little grape, so spending hours sniffing and swirling don’t mean that much to me.  I like the wine experiences; I left the research of the best”experiences” to the bear, and he never disappoints. For me, on this trip, Adelaida was the best of the best.

We did the “Vineyard Tour, Taste, and Tailgate.”  The very handsome, charming, knowledgeable (and British) Glen, took us on a two hour ranch tour at the second most gorgeous property we saw on this trip to Paso (most gorgeous is day 3).

from the car windowoutside Adelaida

As we drove, he told us the story of how the old Walnut tree farm became a winery.  He showed us the grafting of black walnut onto English walnut on the trees.  On the way up steep inclines, he told us of all all the different microclimates on the property.  We stopped at the top of the hill where the warm air allows chardonnay to grow best.

 

 

We had the opportunity to try the tasty, lightly oaked chardonnay from that very vineyard.  As our tour continued, we were able to stop and taste syrah while we stood on its soil as well.  Eventually, we settled at a picnic table under the shade of a tree to have some local charcuterie and taste some back vintages.   The tasting room itself is GORGEOUS as well if you choose not to do the whole tour.  This was one of my FAVORITE wine tasting experiences EVER.  I learned a lot, and I enjoyed it very much.

 

 

From there, we went to Clos Selene.  The link has a great video that tells the story of this very French winery in Paso.  When we tried to go visit them in Tin City last year, they were in the middle of bottling.  This year, they had their very own stand alone winery.  We had a chance to taste Guillaume Fabre’s wines from a quaint little patio.  The vines at this location are new and have been grafted onto older vines to take root and get some of their character.

We have been trying to cut back on our 7 wineries a day habit that we developed on our early trips to Napa, so it was still early afternoon at this point, and we had finished our “obligations” for the day.

Glen had mentioned a boutique winery, Thacher where we chose to have our picnic lunch and spend some time with the winery dogs.  This is not a wine you’re likely to find distributed most places, but it was a very lovely 10-year-old winery owned by a former brewmaster, Sherman and his wife Michelle. They only make 3400 cases of wine a year total.

 

 

I love going to the wineries for their stories!   I love that Michelle was there to talk to us when we first came in and introduce us to her dogs.  It had the BEST stools out on the picnic patio; I need them for my house.

From there, we had a little time left, so we went to one of the best-known, big boys of Paso, Booker.  We had tried to go last year, but they were simply out of wine. This was a nice tasting.  They don’t have any of their high end items to try on the tasting room menu, but everything was good, and we got to meet Brutus. Anytime you meet a wine dog is a good day.

 

 

By this time, it was time to return to our humble abode… get cleaned up… and head out to dinner at Somm’s Kitchen.

I am a self proclaimed foodie and have spent over $1000 on a single meal–more than once (Yes, I have some shame associated with this.) I must tell you that this meal ranked in my top five of all time.  No joke!

 

 

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We had 11 courses (all shown in the slide show above, thanks to Richard).  Every one was more delicious than the last, and all were paired with about a half a glass of wine.  You could at any time ask for more wine, and I’m sure you could have asked for more food.

When you walk in, you sit at a semi circle bar with about 12 other guests.  Ian is the sommelier who plates all the dishes while you are being served.  He tells you how he prepared each dish (cherries soaking for a week, foie gras strained and restrained over 10 times, pineapple sliced tissue thin with a mandolin).  At one point he stopped and gave us a breakdown of how to taste a wine that was excellent for experienced wine tasters and novices.  I learned I could tell how much alcohol a wine has in it by where I feel it when I sniff.

The meal may have been off-putting to some.  There was no menu.  There was no price list.  We didn’t get to make any choices at all, and we weren’t told how much it would cost.  The only thing that was asked was “are you hungry.”  We were!   We were not when we left.  We shared each of the dishes over about a 2 hour period.  The total cost was $250.  We thought that was MORE than fair.  The people next to us did not feel the same way, so it’s not for all people.  I would do it again in a heartbeat!

We waddled from there back to our nightly ending spot of Taste in the Alley.  We had our nightcap and prepared for Day 3!

It’s Been a While: Passing Through Paso 2.0 (Blog 1 of 5).

monterey bay

When I logged in, I realized that it had been seven months since the urge to blog overcame me.  I think maybe my sanctimony got the best of me…  Although I am relatively good with words, hearing my own thoughts on things appealed to me less and less as I realized more and more that I wasn’t changing the world the way I envisioned with my pithy observations…

…BUT…

The whole time I was on THIS trip… I kept thinking… “Oooooh!   I want to share this with someone!

So… here I am… back and in technicolor with my pas de deux (or Paso Part II…  or Paso retread… or whatever you want to call it!) I wrote my first blogs about it this time last year, and now here I am again!

Last year, Richard and I flew in to Burbank and took a little detour through Santa Barbara.  This time, we flew in from the north in San Jose (Yes, we knew the way).  Again, we took an ultra early flight so that we’d land in California in the morning.  We decided to detour into Monterey for a little brunch and a look at the bay.

As it would turn out, Cannery Row is not really my thing.  It’s really just a bunch of shopping.  Great for those who like to spend their money on inedibles ;-).  Edible shopping, though:  Schooners is in the Monterey Plaza Hotel and Spa.  The restaurant itself is nothing special to look at.  My omelet was wonderful…. my bloody mary spicy,  the place itself is kinda old and run-down.

The view from the outdoor decks, however, was a spectacular start for the trip.  We could hear the bark of the sea lions and the sound of waves lapping on the rocks.  It was a good way to remind us we were on the left coast and back in one of our happy places. Knowing that neither of us were much for shopping, we began the two hour drive to Paso.

This is not through the scenic part of the state. Since we knew that Highway 1 was closed at Big Sur, our travels took us through such lovely areas on the one-oh-one as Soledad (made famous in Of Mice and Men) and KingCity–boring, flat farm land where the only radio stations you can pick up are Tejano and Christian.  Still, we were on our way.

We went back to the same apartment we stayed at last year.  It’s a small one bedroom right on the edge of of the square in Paso.  It is about 1/3 to 1/2 of the price of staying at a hotel: you don’t get housekeeping or fine linens, but it’s really decorated nicely and all of the convenience makes it so worth it!


Walking down the stairs takes you directly to an amazing little French restaurant, Bistro Laurent.  The apartment itself is actually right above the wine store.

Then, we knew we needed to shop for the trip.  When we go, we tend to do breakfast in the apartment; then, we pack a picnic lunch.  This (in theory) cuts down on our spending because we don’t stop to eat lunch.  It also maximizes our time for wine drinking!  I bought a great collapsible cooler off of Amazon and packed it in our suitcase.  It was perfect!

Our first food stop was at Di Raimondo’s Italian Market to get cheese.  Lots and lots of cheese!   (and olives and salami and nuts and crackers).  It’s a great little place.  You can go in and taste as much as you want before ordering.  You can also order on line.  I may have to get the Red Witch again.  It was FABULOUS!  There was one group in line in front of us–a group of cousins who decided to do their first ever cousins’ trip.  No joke, they took about an hour to order and probably got a grand worth of cheese.

It was taking awhile, so I was feeling parched.  I left the bear at the store to eat cheese, and I went next door to Chateau Lettau for my first taste of wine of the day.  I’m not going to use this blog to review wine because all I ever really say is “I liked it” or “I didn’t like it” but it was a very cool tasting room where I learned the phrases I was going to hear most in Paso for the week were “right on!” and “of course”  (of course was said in lieu of “you’re welcome”).

Then, it was time for our first tasting appointment of the trip, Herman Story,. This was our only repeat winery from last time. They are right there in Paso.  Anytime you say the name of their winery or their wine maker, Russell From, to anyone in town, you are greeted with a big grin, a shake of the head, and a roll of the eyes.  His wines and his personality are big and bold.  Take a minute to visit the page and read his wine notes; you’ll see what I mean. I’m not doing wine reviews, BUT his grenache is NOT for the faint of heart!  They were gearing up for the release party that Sunday which is known to include keg stands, zoo animals, and plenty of rumors!   We just love them and their wines!   We were even allowed to join their wine club, which is technically closed.  They’re good people and good to us. The tasting room is nothing but a tiny bar in the front of a location next to Dan’s tires.  The place is all about the wine–no fancy trappings of the winery for them.

From there, we traveled to Albertsons’ to get bottled water (We have a rule; in order to prevent hangovers, one must slam a bottle of water between each winery.  We’re professionals!), breakfast stuff, and any other necessities.  We checked out the local wine section there to choose an inexpensive local bottle or two to go with our pizza since that’s what we’d decided to have for dinner that night.

Upon returning to downtown Paso we went to OUR wine bar.  The friend who told us we had to go to Paso last year also told us of this bar:  Taste in the Alley.   They specialize in local wines,  but they also have wine from all over the world.  It’s a unique concept.  You can take any wine from their wall.  All wines have a by the glass price and a bottle price.  Once the bottle is open, it goes into their tap system.  From the tap system you can construct your own flights and taste as many as they have already open.  Larry and Kitty are there most nights and VERY knowledgeable about all of the wines in their shop.  They’re world travelers and collectors themselves.  It was a great place to end EVERY night.  We asked them about their pizza suggestions, and we went over to Artisan. 

Like many places in Paso, Artisan has an excellent cocktail program.  I actually went with a cider while we waited (more on that on day 4!)  We brought the pizza upstairs to enjoy with a bottle of Field Recordings Fiction.  We decided we weren’t QUITE done for the day and wandered down the stairs to the restaurant to see if we could just have dessert.  We could, and it was DIVINE!  I had assorted macarons paired with a true champagne to end the night.   YUM!

So… after waking up at 3:45 in the morning, our full first day was done!   We had a HUGE four days scheduled thereafter.  We love to make the most of our vacations and we sure did this time!

I look forward to sharing the rest with you as well!

 

Out of Respect for the Quiet Student: (Out of my Comfort Zone Part 2).

student

Earlier this week I went to a workshop from which I am just now recovering… beginning to be able to come back out of my shell.

I was part of it about 15 years ago, too.  It is a process for developing a trusting, learning team where all the kids of your class and you work together by creating this cohesive and safe bond.  The first few days of school you do not jump in to content.  You do nothing except get to know one another and learn to trust each other.  You play games and sit in circles and talk.  In concept, it’s excellent… and exactly what I hope happens in my class every year.

For me, in practice, it’s torture.

As a teacher, I hear the mantra over and over that students only learn from people who they know care about them.   Yet, through my entire educational career as a student I made it a practice to be as close to invisible as possible.   I didn’t like school, but I learned PLENTY from a variety of teachers.   The ones who made me most uncomfortable were the ones who tried to delve beyond the teacher/student shield and become something else.  When I could see them TRYING to do it, it made it even worse.

Ice breaking games, singing songs, making up dances, throwing a ball around with people I didn’t know made me cringe  in horror.  It doesn’t make me feel bonded with them.  It makes me want to get away from them and back to my corner as soon as possible. I put the smile on and play along…  because standing out as someone who won’t play brings even more attention.  I am as gregarious as I can possibly be when I’m forced to be in those situations…  Yet, I literally slept my way through the day yesterday, and I now realize I was recovering from having to sit in a sharing circle and talk about things that were important to me.   I squirmed uncomfortably as I watched people whom I have never met cry about things I know nothing about… and it’s none of my BUSINESS to know anything about.  I’m never going to talk to them again, after all.

Why do I say all of this?

Because I think, as teachers, we need to remember students like me in class, too.  I’ll get to know you… slowly… on my own time.  If you force me to play along with your silly games, I’ll resent it… and I’ll resent you..  You will destroy that relationship you’re trying to create.  I’ll find reasons to dislike you AND the people in my class because you made me so uncomfortable.  You’re not trying to make me feel safe.  I want to sit and observe and decide that I AM safe instead of this manufactured “team” you’re creating.

And I want to say to myself and to kids like me that this is not a flaw.  Just because the loud team players call it a flaw doesn’t make it so.  This is not something I should “work on” to fix in my character.  If I WANTED to be part of those groups, then, yes, I should do something about it, but I don’t.

Leaders who say things like “people have to work together in the real world” don’t really know this.  There are PLENTY of jobs where you can be a solitary worker most of the time.   There are all different personalities…  and, as a teacher, I think it is my responsibility to take those into account.

I know I’m going to have to spend big parts of the next week playing games on teams and smiling and laughing and pretending like I’m glad to be part of it… because that’s the job I chose… but I’m glad it’s manufactured and that I only have to do it a few times a year.

My REAL job???  Well, in that job I get to slowly know and trust my coworkers… and work with those with whom I feel comfortable.

In my classroom, I get to know my students for who they are… and I get to learn which students would rather I not truly get close to them at all.

Don’t misunderstand–I am not of the “I am teacher; you are student” mentality.  I absolutely LOVE my kids.  I love my job.  But I read the classroom dynamic, and I am not going to force the students who are like me to be people that they are not.

Sometimes I make my students work in groups where they may not be super comfortable… because sometimes it happens in life…  but I try to be VERY cognizant and sensitive about how those groups are formed.

I also try to give them PLENTY of time to work on their own if they like, too. P.I.G activities are my “go to” a lot of the time (P.I.G stands for partner, individual, group).  I let the kids work in the way that is best for them.  If I see an individual working alone, but looking around for a group to join, I facilitate that.   Still, I always have several in the class who let me know they’re glad that I won’t force them to interact if today is not that day.

And I try to let them know it’s okay if they don’t want to join in and sing songs and perform.  That doesn’t make them bad… or wrong… or less than the rest of the group. I try to help them understand that some people may get the misconception that they are aloof or unfriendly and that can be hard, too–but it’s okay to be who they are.  It doesn’t make them socially awkward; it makes them socially selective.

So, if you walk into my classroom one day and see 25 kids engaging in lively debate and banter while five others sit silently writing with their earbuds in, please don’t see this as a lack of caring in my teaching—more importantly, please don’t see this as a flaw in my kids.

Keep Up with the Joneses? Why Would I Do That? I Don’t Even KNOW the Joneses (or why I quit boot camp that one summer)

Jones

You ever watch those goofy shows on television–the weight loss shows where the people are crying because they have had their “breakthrough”? They realized and learned what it was that caused them to be fat in the first place…  and it was life changing–well, or changing for at least as long as they were on the show.

I always thought that was so ridiculous.  You don’t need a “breakthrough” to lose weight.  The recipe is VERY simple.  Burn more calories than you consume.  That’s it.  End of.  There are lots of ways you can get there, but there’s no other story.

Or that’s what I thought until the breakthrough happened.

Over and over on my Facebook posts, I refer to the Voltaire saying “Perfect is the Enemy of the Good”  There are so many variations of this  (The grass is always greener, second place is the first loser, etc.).  But to me it meant that nothing would ever be good enough, so why bother.

I was never going to be good enough…

This couldn’t have been more obvious to me than when I reached my target weight in 2005.  Well, I KIND of reached my target weight….  I had lost 170 pounds in 7 months… busting my butt EVERY day.  I was only eating 800 calories and I was working out for 60-180 minutes a day.  It was all done medically…  and I lost it all.

Now according to scales I still had another 25 pounds to go, but according to the plastic surgeon I saw, I had 40 pounds of skin that would take four surgeries to remove.  I HAD to remove the skin for my accomplishment to count.  In my eyes, I kept telling myself that nothing had really changed… that it wasn’t worth the time and effort I had put in.  Why bother trying if I had to get this surgery I couldn’t afford?   Again, perfect was the enemy of good.  I missed seeing how my health had improved, how my appearance had improved.  I was so busy thinking about what was next and how to get there that I became very depressed by “now.”

Still, I kept pushing myself as hard as I possibly could at every workout class.  I would do three classes a day.  Every time I heard some trainer say, “You can do better than that!   You have one more in you!”  my feeling was not motivation–instead, I was discouraged.

What I was doing wasn’t good enough.

I didn’t have one more in me.  I had given everything I had.  It wasn’t there, and I felt like what was the point in even trying if all I’m going to do is disappoint?

“Boot camp” was the WORST.  I paid $175 to go to Pflugerville High School in the heat of the afternoon and have high school coaches abuse me.  They would chase up and down bleachers, push people down from their shoulders as they were doing lunges… They would run beside on the track and demand that we pick up the pace.  In the end, they’d tell us what a great job we did and how proud of ourselves we should be.  I’d get in the car crying because clearly what I had been doing WASN’T good enough… they wouldn’t have been yelling at me to try harder if it was.  I had already pushed myself to my limit.  All they did was make me feel bad.

So, eventually I quit.  Not only did I quit that, however, I quit caring about any of it.  I mean if I was never going to have the beach body… if I was never going to be the elite athlete… Why even try?   I couldn’t reach these goals that other people had set for me, and I found myself getting more depressed.  I was not good enough for them, so how could I possibly be good enough for me?

So, let’s fast forward 12 years.  FINALLY, my brain kicked in and figured out why I would want to be healthy.  And I’m doing the whole thing VERY differently this time.  I pay attention to what I eat every day… and some weeks I lose weight.  Some weeks I don’t.  I have no clue how many calories I’m eating.  I just try to make good choices.  I try to workout some every day… sometimes it’s 80 minutes… sometimes it’s 15.  It depends on what fits into my day that day.

I have no goal… I’m just doing what I should be doing.  I’m not trying to achieve something better and better and better.  I’m listening to my body and doing what needs to happen for it.

Then, yesterday, my stupid weight watchers app suggested that I should try harder, and it made me want to crumble.

I know it’s a nameless, faceless device…  but it was so disheartening.  I had just finished a 70 minute workout… and here it was, telling me that I should push harder and do more.  I had just pushed myself to the limit… and again, it wasn’t enough.

Like the last weight loss, like boot camp…..  I still wasn’t enough.  No matter how good of a job I felt like I was doing… it wasn’t enough.

But luckily, whatever changed in my head this time stuck with me.  The voice who told me I wanted to make the change spoke up again and told me to close that prompt on the app.   Nope,  I don’t want to increase my fitness goals.  I’m good with what I’m doing, thank you very much.

I’m going to have eggs Benedict and mimosa for breakfast this morning… and I’m good with that, too.  That means I’ll only eat vegetables for the rest of the day…  but I’m okay with that.

Is it the PERFECT way to eat and exercise?  No, it is not…

But it’s better… and it’s good.

And I’m happy with good.